I'm 10,000 miles away from the world.
Perhaps it's normal for human nature to change, yet it's a sad thought when we change who we were originally. I suppose she's right when she got angry and yelled the crap out of me. I asked her what's wrong? That she changed so much that I don't even recognize her. She changed for the worse, to the point that I don't know her anymore. I want to help her and I've been trying, but all I get is a load of s**t she decides to give me. She said that I shouldn't judge her. I stood there thinking, "I'm not judging you." It hurts because the past few months, I've been standing up for her----telling people that she's one of the coolest person on earth. Yet, here she is...spouting out words that can only ruin our relationship as cousins.
You know that feeling when you just want to grab your only favorite thing (stuff animal, book, crayons?) and run out into the streets. Run blindly in every direction, hoping that it would lead you to a place where you will never get hurt again. See, thing is, I can't be dramatic like that as if I'm on t.v. But it seems like something fun to do. I'd do it for fun, not because I want to cry my eyes till there's no more tears left. Next scene, you're running down a steep hill in the woods, crying your eyes out (as always)... screaming at God or who knows what...You slip and you are falling down and swoooshhh, someone grabs your hand. Oh wowz, prince charming (sarcasm) saves the day. Great, the guy sweeps you up and say, "Don't cry, I'm here for you." Ahz...a dramatic scene to which I can laugh all day long. Another dramatic way to do things, is if you run into a big city and find a phone booth. While crying your eyes out, you put in quarters while dialing random numbers. If you're lucky, someone will not hang up on you and actually sits there and listens to your cries. Perhaps even play a song for you while you're at it. It's a nice setting, yet, I think if I were to pick up a call and all I hear is crying and screaming, I'd be too scared. Yet, now that I think about it, it sounds really painful. So, I think I'll play a song for that person ...
It's quite funny when you try to block out all emotions that are overwhelming you. You think you can be strong and pull an empty face. A blank face where you run down the streets and people think you're fine---actually you're more or less a piece of a furniture. *Switch Channels--- You are walking down the road hoping to find hope at the end of the streets. However, as you are walking, a car drives by and typical as ever, runs through a puddle besides you. If you're lucky, someone will trade clothes with you. I won't, but someone might xD. Oh, how about this, you're going down the streets, skipping along, and saying hi to trees, rocks, and people.... faking all your smiles where people think you're one hell of a Happy Spirit. Yet deep down, you're trying to find yourself, you're trying to find reasons as to why you want to smile truly. You hide all the dramas in life that are given to you. The ties and bonds that you share with certain people. Bonds that will someday kill you inside. You try not to let it affect you to the utmost or at least, you try not to approach it in such a melodramatic way... You try to let it go with the flow. Yet you can't.. Why? because the people who are involved are people you deeply care about. You run after them. You chase after them in the dark....(in t.v shows, it shows you screaming their names... and you pounding your fist against the wall... oh bonus for guys who manage to punch a hole in the wall cause apparently, lots of girls find it touching---i'd kill the guy for breaking my wall instead).... trying to grab them back into the so-call Light. Only to realize that you've been living in a dark world. There's no such thing as a light world. [For goodness sake, I'm even afraid of the sun, the light, I always cover my face with a hood, I always walk in shades.]The irony... while finding a world filled with light... you end up retreating to the dark side of your life. Because while trying to find your light, you unconsciously already molded yourself into darkness. A darkness that has become your own comfort zone....since the day you were born.
kekekekekekekee.
whatever. i sleep it off anyways. it's not the end of the world.
gotta look on the bright side right?
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